I don't care what the calendar says. She's 2.

I woke up this morning at, oh, 6:30 (well, I woke up earlier than that, but I went back to bed because dang it, I was tired!). Anyway, I woke up at 6:30 to the sound of Ariel wailing.

"Cup! Cup!"

My first thought was, My daughter is being ridiculous and she needs to be quiet.

But then I thought, What if she's really thirsty? I would hate to make her lie there and be thirsty until 8.

So I got up, filled a sippy with water, and brought it to her.

"No!!" she yelled between sobs. "Juice!"

"No, Ariel. You can have water."

"Down! Down!"

"No, it's still nigh-night time. Go back to sleep."

Hysterical screaming continues.

I went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep, but it's hard when your child is producing the most noise that that is physically possible, and from only a few yards away.

Finally, after a half an hour of bawling and cries of "Cup, cup!!!" I went and got her up.

Of course, by this point Felicity had woken up from all the screaming, and when I walked in she saw me and immediately started crying. I decided to leave her and see if she would fall back asleep.

I pulled Ariel out, along with her dolly and cup. All the lights were still off as I took her out into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind us.

"Cuuuup?!?!?!" Ariel whined.

"Here's your water cup, Ariel. You can have water."

"NOOOOO!!!" She threw herself to the ground, then stood up and started running in circles and stamping her little feet.

I turned around to go back to bed.

After a few moments, she came into our bedroom.

I won't trouble you with the details of the next half-hour, but it was comprised mostly of protestations about her water and refusals to be quiet, lie down, or give any hugs.

Meanwhile, Felicity kept screaming. So eventually we all got up.

At the table, she asked for juice again, so I decided to give her some with breakfast. I brought it in a glass, which made her mad - apparently she wanted me to put the juice in her sippy cup. Fortunately, she got over that one.

First she wanted one kind of cereal, then another kind. She wanted cow milk and she wanted Mommy's almond milk. And in the end she ate maybe 2 bites before whining to get down, then screaming because I washed her hands.

Wanted: Mommy's helper willing to work in exchange for food and a bed on the couch.