Somebody put me on a stage, quick!

I think I can identify with skydivers.

A skydiver does something absolutely terrifying, something that few other people would ever choose to do. He does it, and he takes pleasure in it. I am certain that being a skydiver must carry with it a great sense of pride, to know that you are one of the few who can fly in the face of such fear and choose to do it again and again.

Well, does it make me a total nerd to feel similarly proud of my enjoyment of public speaking? I have always loved being on stage. I was on the speech team in high school, and I absolutely loved it. What a rush! To stand up in front of a group of peers and judges, knowing the the slightest slip-up could both humiliate and disqualify you. The way time slows down and you fight to keep from speaking too quickly, to put emotion into your voice, to look out at the individuals in the audience and convince them that you mean every word. There are few times that I have felt more alive. More capable. More exceptional.

But life as a mother of two babies doesn't provide many speaking opportunities, and it's been awhile since I was on the stage. Last time was as a freshman in college, 2 years after my last NFL (National Forensic League) competition, when I won second place for Dramatic Interpretation, competing against Communications majors, sophomores and up. That felt pretty good. But it was 3 1/2 years ago, and that's a long time not to do something that you love.

Dan's taking a speech class this semester. Yesterday, he gave his first prepared speech. I definitely enjoyed helping him prepare, but every time I listened to him recite it, it was hard not to think about how I would say it, what words I would emphasize, how I would stand... and how thrilling it would be if I could be the one back in front of the class, taking my turn, facing my fear, proving myself all over again. I told him that I wished I could go give it for him. He said he wished I could, too!

Last night, Dan and I went to a seminar in which the speaker asked two people to come forward and do a role play. I raised my hand excitedly, and he called on me to come up. As I stood up and walked around our table to go to the front, a girl in the front row popped up, apparently unaware that he had called on me. He welcomed her up and gave her the role. I sat back down. It felt so juvenile to be jealous, and yet I was. I was so very, very jealous. And I still am.

If somebody doesn't put me on a stage soon, I'm going to scream.

Okay, first the good news, then the bad news.

Good news: Felicity slept 10 hours last night. Woohoo!

Bad news: Our camera is broken. Apparently, it was not a battery problem, because the battery arrived today and the camera still doesn't work. So... I may not have pics for all y'all for a little while yet.