The Crazy Day ABC's

It was the best of days. It was the worst of days.

Today felt like a constant striving - sometimes to kick butt, sometimes just not to have a nervous breakdown. Ever have days like that? I think I will describe my day starting with each letter of the alphabet, just to be odd.

Ariel was a hysterical little girl today. Between way too many viewings of Elmo and Pooh, she wailed and screamed and sobbed and took stuff that was off-limits, and she pulled up her little shirt and flashed Daddy when she was mad at him, which was the only comic relief amidst all this drama. Constantly having to deal with or even just listen to her tantrums was absolutely grating on my nerves. Dan was home most of the day, and between Ariel's insanity and Felicity's bloodcurdling screams when I left for a little while, I think his shoulders are still tense.

Emotionally, I've really been at the end of my rope lately. For the first time in my life, I've even had stress-related chest pains and faintness. Granted, if there's ever a time to be stressed, it's when you have two babies, but my lack of ability to overcome it has me concerned. Having two little girls means that I have a responsibility to tough it out and go on being the best mom I can be, regardless of my own needs. I guess what I'm finally realizing is that I can't take care of them properly if I neglect myself, so I need to find a way to take care of all of us.

Just sitting down at the computer or with a book isn't enough anymore; when I'm at home, I feel constantly on edge. Kids make it hard to get away, but Dan has been gracious enough to watch the girls and let me slip away when I ask him, which has been every week or so this month. Little trips to Starbucks or even Fred Meyer by myself have been life-saving.

My patience started out thin this morning, but the Lord knows I really tried. Not getting much sleep made me feel resentful, but it helped when Dan let me take a nap in the late morning. Of course, when I got up, I was thoroughly depressed by all the housework to be done, and when Ariel started her very long string of tantrums, it was hard to be the adult. Poor Ariel - I tried to watch my tone and temper, but there were times, I'm sad to say, that I snapped and hurt her feelings.

Really, Ariel's behavior was beyond bad. Standing on the computer chair trying to type or grab office supplies. Throwing herself or her sippy cup (why her sippy cup?) on the floor time after time, often over demands that I didn't even understand. Until, finally, when I realized that just looking at her was enough to make me clench my jaw in anger as she broke yet another rule, I put her down for an early nap. Very predictably, she didn't sleep, but that wasn't the point, was it?

When Dan got home, I rather desperately requested a break, and he let me run off to Fred Meyer to browse and buy hair dye. EXactly on cue, Felicity started screaming moments after I walked out the door, which I think is proof that Satan exists and likes to influence/sabotage my life and well-being. Yet, to his credit, my very wonderful husband didn't call and ask me to come home until I had been gone for around 45 minutes. Zipping home was the last thing that I wanted to do when I heard Fiffy's cries in the background, but, praise God, she was calmer by the time I got there, although Ariel's hysteria lasted until bedtime.

On the plus side, I cleaned out much of Ariel's closet today. Yay? Now it's time for bed. Here's wishing for happier children tomorrow!